Just me, e. ELyssaD™: Asperger’s and Age of Onset?

Asperger’s and Age of Onset?

After my daughter developed autistic traits and was diagnosed with a language disorder I began to explore the possibility that my father, brothers and I may have mild Asperger's. In school, we were all just considered gifted. My IQ is over 140, (or at least it was when I was a child, as late as age 13). One of my brothers is a very successful electrical engineer and the other an IT professional. All of us are criticized for being "too quiet".
However, if I do have it, the onset would have been in middle childhood, around age 8. I have read one source that suggests Asperger's may have a later onset, but I am not familiar with what age that would be.
In my case, it would probably be very mild, but even the mildest form of autism has an enormous impact on many areas of life. Six-seven years ago after I finished graduate school I began a competitive management internship that required different business line rotations and panel presentations. I did very well with the formal presentations, writing, and learning the business lines that I was being exposed to, but I was severely criticized for being "aloof", "not smiling enough", and being "too serious". I felt I was being unfairly criticized for being a logical female, and thought that if I were a man I would not have endured this type of criticism. I remember during my interview before I was hired I was asked about my weaknesses. I told them I am occasionally clumsy, and that gave everyone a laugh. I was told at the end of the internship they doubted my ability to form strong customer relationships.
Actually, they were very wrong, and I've proved otherwise. The problem, though, is that it takes some time for me to form the relationships. When they are formed, I am very honest, conscientious, loyal, and work hard within the business relationships. What I lack, with different degrees of severity based on the circumstances, is the ability to be relaxed and spontaneous in social settings.
When I was in grad school, I remember that there were times that my writing was criticized as being too verbose and my sentence structure too complex. I had to concentrate very hard on learning to communicate the salient point of each paragraph very clearly, rather than being overly theoretical. Now, in retrospect, this may be slightly autistic.
I don't "look" like a person with Asperger's, and I don't believe that I lack empathy. I have very strong relationships with my family, and I wish that I had more close friends.
Here is how I would describe my experience of my "problem". When I am in un-structured social settings, it feels as if the banter, joking and camaraderie that occurs naturally for "normal" people is totally out of sync with me. It feels as if the laughter and humor is "too fast", and that I am behind a wall that I can't really break through to connect with others in these light, airy social settings. I feel left out, and never feel confident that I can really trust others' motives, and even feel slightly paranoid that people don't really like me. The problems only show up in new situations, though, not with people I am comfortable with.
Does this sound like Asperger's, or more like anxiety?
What kristys is describing is pretty much what happened with me. The symptoms were there from birth, it's just that no one aside from my mom and possibly my maternal grandmother ever caught on.
[quote="Bluebird"]Kristys- I have very clear memories of what I was like when I was ages 2-8. I didn't have any sensory issues, though one of my brothers had severe sensory problems. I didn't have any social problems at this age, either. I remember exactly how I felt and what I was like, and I had many friends. That's one reason why I questioned whether I could be on the spectrum. It wouldn't have been a matter of nobody identifying the symptoms, I really didn't have any before 8.
[/quote]
I did that as well. But remember that kids aren't really very judgmental of others until about 3rd or 4th grade, so you could have the symptoms and still have a lot of friends (in fact some of them may even admire your "quirks" at that age). Then when they start getting more aware of one another, they start forming their cliques, and usually we start getting left out at that point.
Also that empathy thing is a complete and total myth. Some autistic people have it and some don't, just like some NTs have it and some don't. For those who have it, it's a matter of perception. It's just that aspies perceive differently than Nts, so their empathy shows up at different times, and for different things sometimes. But empathy or lack thereof has absolutely nothing to do with autism. stickboy2639476.2810416667 [QUOTE=b9st8]
Hey Blue Bird

Are you asking for my unprofessional opinion?

'Cause you sound exactly Asperger's Autism to me. I am a better match to Kanner's autism which was a suprise to me too. The reality is not what is reported in popular and professional works. I am thoroughly impressed that you have developed fewer, but authentic relationships. I would predict this for AS. You will always feel out of sync, yet knowing why makes it easier. It is great that you are cautious about motives. I cannot conceive of others' motives and trust even after repeated betrayals. You are my idea of ideal.

I suspect you have been told it is 'social anxiety' ?

Are you constantly obsessed with what people are thinking about you? Are you checking your clothes hair expression what ever, to make sure you LOOK ok? Do you fear rejection or ridicule by some other person as the end of the world? Must everyone love you for you to feel safe? Actually this is one of the less harmful labels given to the female presention of Asperger's autism. You need to have comprehension of all that social nonverbal stuff to have social anxiety.

If you mean normal anxiety, sorry, and AS comes with plenty of that. Mediation and grounding skills help.

Hope you hear from some other mothers who have found they are on spectrum too. I can't even aspire to your skill level.[/QUOTE]
Oh, I don't think of myself as skilled. These problems with the way I am wired to the world just have such an impact on so many areas. When I was a teenager, I waited tables, and worked so hard, and always ended up with less money in tips than everyone else. As I grew older, I learned to not waste time feeling sorry for myself, but I was still convinced that something was unfair about the world when it came to me. I seem to get much worse customer service than other people in every area. I felt like I was constantly failing at getting doors to open that should have opened for me. I am single, and have a history of being very badly treated by men. Now, I could care less, I am so happy alone with my children, but for many years this was very painful for me.
Kristys- I have very clear memories of what I was like when I was ages 2-8. I didn't have any sensory issues, though one of my brothers had severe sensory problems. I didn't have any social problems at this age, either. I remember exactly how I felt and what I was like, and I had many friends. That's one reason why I questioned whether I could be on the spectrum. It wouldn't have been a matter of nobody identifying the symptoms, I really didn't have any before 8.
Bluebird39471.9552777778
I never got tips either and I covered their tables for all their smoke breaks. Life is not fair. I think we all have a touch of PTSD. You will always have to work harder than others.

I think the later onset is because of the varying skill levels. Some of us have no skills from conception, others have a reasonable amount for a number of years until it becomes too complex and they lag behind. My dd is not diagnosable, but is finding increasing management demands are becoming difficult due to the traits she has.

I can get jobs, but never keep them long. I have no relationships beyond immediate family and many of them only tolerate me. I am always an embarrassment. My autism is obvious if not instantly, within a day or two at work and they need me to disappear. Let me admire your skill level
Hey Blue Bird

Are you asking for my unprofessional opinion?

'Cause you sound exactly Asperger's Autism to me. I am a better match to Kanner's autism which was a suprise to me too. The reality is not what is reported in popular and professional works. I am thoroughly impressed that you have developed fewer, but authentic relationships. I would predict this for AS. You will always feel out of sync, yet knowing why makes it easier. It is great that you are cautious about motives. I cannot conceive of others' motives and trust even after repeated betrayals. You are my idea of ideal.

I suspect you have been told it is 'social anxiety' ?

Are you constantly obsessed with what people are thinking about you? Are you checking your clothes hair expression what ever, to make sure you LOOK ok? Do you fear rejection or ridicule by some other person as the end of the world? Must everyone love you for you to feel safe? Actually this is one of the less harmful labels given to the female presention of Asperger's autism. You need to have comprehension of all that social nonverbal stuff to have social anxiety.

If you mean normal anxiety, sorry, and AS comes with plenty of that. Mediation and grounding skills help.

Hope you hear from some other mothers who have found they are on spectrum too. I can't even aspire to your skill level.
Bluebird,

I believe it is common for Asperger's to not get dx's until a child is school age, often 6 - 8. It isn't really a late onset, as the Asperger's didn't suddenly appear at that age. It's more the fact that it's often difficult to dx earlier. Since aspies tend to talk on time, there isn't that red flag. And since aspies tend to be gifted, some quirkiness is often written off to high intelligence. However, once the child starts school, often the social difficulties become much more obvious, as do restricted/stereotypical interests, sensory issues, etc.

A good friend of mine has a 1st grader with Aspergers. She knew something was "off" with her son and had him evaluated at ages 3 and 4, but she was told he was gifted, and that he had some sensory issues (tactile defensiveness) so they did some OT to help with that. However he did ok in preschool. However it all fell apart in kindergarten. As the year went on, he started having meltdowns, difficulting staying in the classroom, social issues. They got an Asperger's dx this summer. From what I've read, this seems to be common.

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