In Loving Memory of Martin S. Weisbart, Rest in Peace

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Not Afraid

via youtube.com

Eminem Not Afraid Official Lyrics On ScreenHQ HD - YouTube

"Not Afraid"

[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say I'ma do something I do it,
I don't give a damn what you think,
I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stopping me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
He's still shitting, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

[Chorus]

Okay quit playing with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm trying to say is get back, click-clack, blow
Cause I ain't playing around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fucking black cloud
Still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Chorus]

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazing at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

[Chorus]

Thanks to camila, Christopher Chiocca, Romi Ezzo, Kim, Katie Mueller for correcting these lyrics.

When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate

My Mind - commentary [When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate]

You can divorce an abusive spouse. You can call it quits if your lover mistreats you. But what can you do if the source of your misery is your own parent?

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Craig Frazier

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Granted, no parent is perfect. And whining about parental failure, real or not, is practically an American pastime that keeps the therapeutic community dutifully employed.
But just as there are ordinary good-enough parents who mysteriously produce a difficult child, there are some decent people who have the misfortune of having a truly toxic parent.
A patient of mine, a lovely woman in her 60s whom I treated for depression, recently asked my advice about how to deal with her aging mother.
�She�s always been extremely abusive of me and my siblings,� she said, as I recall. �Once, on my birthday, she left me a message wishing that I get a disease. Can you believe it?�
Over the years, she had tried to have a relationship with her mother, but the encounters were always painful and upsetting; her mother remained harshly critical and demeaning.
Whether her mother was mentally ill, just plain mean or both was unclear, but there was no question that my patient had decided long ago that the only way to deal with her mother was to avoid her at all costs.
Now that her mother was approaching death, she was torn about yet another effort at reconciliation. �I feel I should try,� my patient told me, �but I know she�ll be awful to me.�
Should she visit and perhaps forgive her mother, or protect herself and live with a sense of guilt, however unjustified? Tough call, and clearly not mine to make.
But it did make me wonder about how therapists deal with adult patients who have toxic parents.
The topic gets little, if any, attention in standard textbooks or in the psychiatric literature, perhaps reflecting the common and mistaken notion that adults, unlike children and the elderly, are not vulnerable to such emotional abuse.
All too often, I think, therapists have a bias to salvage relationships, even those that might be harmful to a patient. Instead, it is crucial to be open-minded and to consider whether maintaining the relationship is really healthy and desirable.
Likewise, the assumption that parents are predisposed to love their children unconditionally and protect them from harm is not universally true. I remember one patient, a man in his mid-20s, who came to me for depression and rock-bottom self-esteem.
It didn�t take long to find out why. He had recently come out as gay to his devoutly religious parents, who responded by disowning him. It gets worse: at a subsequent family dinner, his father took him aside and told him it would have been better if he, rather than his younger brother, had died in a car accident several years earlier.
Though terribly hurt and angry, this young man still hoped he could get his parents to accept his sexuality and asked me to meet with the three of them.
The session did not go well. The parents insisted that his �lifestyle� was a grave sin, incompatible with their deeply held religious beliefs. When I tried to explain that the scientific consensus was that he had no more choice about his sexual orientation than the color of his eyes, they were unmoved. They simply could not accept him as he was.
I was stunned by their implacable hostility and convinced that they were a psychological menace to my patient. As such, I had to do something I have never contemplated before in treatment.
At the next session I suggested that for his psychological well-being he might consider, at least for now, forgoing a relationship with his parents.
I felt this was a drastic measure, akin to amputating a gangrenous limb to save a patient�s life. My patient could not escape all the negative feelings and thoughts about himself that he had internalized from his parents. But at least I could protect him from even more psychological harm.
Easier said than done. He accepted my suggestion with sad resignation, though he did make a few efforts to contact them over the next year. They never responded.
Of course, relationships are rarely all good or bad; even the most abusive parents can sometimes be loving, which is why severing a bond should be a tough, and rare, decision.
Dr. Judith Lewis Herman, a trauma expert who is a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, said she tried to empower patients to take action to protect themselves without giving direct advice.
�Sometimes we consider a paradoxical intervention and say to a patient, �I really admire your loyalty to your parents � even at the expense of failing to protect yourself in any way from harm,� � Dr. Herman told me in an interview.
The hope is that patients come to see the psychological cost of a harmful relationship and act to change it.
Eventually, my patient made a full recovery from his depression and started dating, though his parents� absence in his life was never far from his thoughts.
No wonder. Research on early attachment, both in humans and in nonhuman primates, shows that we are hard-wired for bonding � even to those who aren�t very nice to us.
We also know that although prolonged childhood trauma can be toxic to the brain, adults retain the ability later in life to rewire their brains by new experience, including therapy and psychotropic medication.
For example, prolonged stress can kill cells in the hippocampus, a brain area critical for memory. The good news is that adults are able to grow new neurons in this area in the course of normal development. Also, antidepressants encourage the development of new cells in the hippocampus.
It is no stretch, then, to say that having a toxic parent may be harmful to a child�s brain, let alone his feelings. But that damage need not be written in stone.
Of course, we cannot undo history with therapy. But we can help mend brains and minds by removing or reducing stress.
Sometimes, as drastic as it sounds, that means letting go of a toxic parent.

Dr. Richard A. Friedman is a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College.

More Articles in Health � A version of this article appeared in print on October 20, 2009, on page D5 of the New York edition.

via nytimes.com

this ~IS~ personal, but it one of the things that disturbs me the most.

JOURNAL ENTRY 4/6/2010:   April 22, 2010. this i have no doubt in my mind that this will generate more questions since llegal aid and even people i thought were my "friends" have refused to accept one simple fact... that everyone is asing the WRONG question.

it does not matter WHO breaks the law. most people are murded or abused by some they knew... a family friend or relative. so i have aceepted the fact that i will go in a lone, as usual, an that any decision will ultimately be reversed within days... that record will likely "disappear" like all the rest. so yeah... parents can be toxic.

and if they can be toxic their own children, what does that say when they are in a position to be toxic to our culture, our history, our society.

so, yes, i'm prepared. i am prepared only because i have expections that anything sustancial change. because history and recent events and knowledge have shown me otherwise.

so i will be living on less than $600 per month for the rest of my life. and i can be at peace with that if i couldd trust that things would remain stable. but they change day to day {'myseriously" and no matter what i say or how loud i scream, nobody has stepped up to the plate legally to say, "this" [meaning, me, Elyssa] is a human being that is entitled to one basic human right. The right to be seen as human being rather than a human doing.

yes, i am sad. but i am resolved, and i resigned.

but my friends are virtual because aparently i inherited the toxicity from my parents so my life  exists exclusively within these four walls. i have NO ineraction with anyone except from the occasional stranger or the neighbor i pass on my way to the store tweeting the whole way... for some eason,, the Twitter keeps me safe.  The "community" remains silent.. My world is silent. 

I am trapped.

i am very much in prison. and my tears are natural, and my anger justified. so please, give me this much... don't ask how i feel if you don't want to know the answer.

goodbye for now... my pain is physical, and i am hoping my tears may heal for just a few minutes and soothe my soul.   [FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH, I WAS CORRECT]

Posted via web from ElyssaD's Posterous

VIDEO: Suspect's sister, lawyer say Trenton 7-year-old 'lied' and wasn't raped - The Trentonian News: Serving Trenton and surrounding communities. (trentonian.com)

Thursday, April 08, 2010, 2:25:48 PM
noreply@blogger.com (Elyssa D'Educrat)

via trentonian.com

Trenton, NJ. I had to cross the Delaware to go Hebew School. There were only two other times I had to go. To get a letter from a Rabbi to prove that I was a Jew before I could apply at the local Federation for Jewish whatever... it took six months before they would even mail me the appilcation. The second was when I was an editor of the school newspaper and I attended wrote a story about legislation pending regarding pro-choice for women unnder the age of 18. I was 16. So medical records? I recently had seven blood tests before they could find a "receiving hospital" patient dumping much? Tennessee? Jim Blumstein just gave a statement on federal law in Tennessee. He's an asshole. He cancelled class the same day HCA got busted for Medicare fraud. #WTF

Now, I need assistance from my Congressman to determine eligibility status for my "benefits" and he claims he has no oversight. I do believe US Rep Jim Cooper could take five minutes to set the record straight. I did after all pay $9000 [borrowed] just to meet with hiim once a week at Owen to learn all about this twisted system of care the are "buying into."

via sanityforsuperheroes.blogspot.com

June 2009 - My Beautiful Mommy - By Michael Salzhauer, MD

My Beautiful Mommy - By Michael Salzhauer, MD

via mybeautifulmommy.com

DailyDDoSe

SOCIAL SERVICES HAS CLOSED CASE BECAUSE THEY DID NOT HAVE A CONTACT NUMBER.

MDHA NOW WANT ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT MY "FAMILY UNIT"

#BATSHITCRAZYMOTHER IS QUITE... THERE ARE NO WORDS TO EXPLAIN OR EXCUSE HER BEHAVIOR. 

SHE REFUSES TO AMEND TAX RETURNS, I JUST GOT BILLED BY SOCIAL SECURITY, THEY ARE NOW DEDUCTING ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT OUT OF MY WELFARE CHECK....

BACK 14 YEARS CLAIMING ME AS AN EMPLOYEES, A CHILD, A LIABILITY.

FUKITOL..I GOT SHIT TO DO AND I STILL DON'T HAVE A GOD DAMNED PHONE.

DON'T BE FOOLED... DANGEROUS COMBINATION.... BEAUTY, POWER, GREED...

BUT MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMY IS NOT THAT NOT THAT BEAUTIFUL... 

PAINTED (TATTOOED) ON SMILES SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES. 

I NEED TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR MYSELF. EXACTLY WHAT THEY HAVE DONE OVER THE YEARS... 

DAILY DOSE TO BE CONTINUED.. . BECAUSE THE HITS KEEP ON COMING. 

6/9/2010

Posted via web from ElyssaD's Posterous

Lillian Friedman, Karen Durant Weisbart Kahn, Elyssa Durant

 

via sanityforsuperheroes.blogspot.com

Look how far we've come...

Mama I'm Coming Home || B'bye Karen CON

via youtube.com

"Not Afraid"

[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say I'ma do something I do it,
I don't give a damn what you think,
I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stopping me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
He's still shitting, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

[Chorus]

Okay quit playing with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm trying to say is get back, click-clack, blow
Cause I ain't playing around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fucking black cloud
Still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Chorus]

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazing at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

[Chorus]

Thanks to camila, Christopher Chiocca, Romi Ezzo, Kim, Katie Mueller for correcting these lyrics.

Not Afraid

via youtube.com

"Not Afraid" by Eminem

[Chorus:]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say I'ma do something I do it,
I don't give a damn what you think,
I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stopping me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
He's still shitting, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

[Chorus]

Okay quit playing with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm trying to say is get back, click-clack, blow
Cause I ain't playing around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still trying to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fucking black cloud
Still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Chorus]

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazing at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

[Chorus]

Thanks to camila, Christopher Chiocca, Romi Ezzo, Kim, Katie Mueller for correcting these lyrics.

Cleaning out my Closet || Dedicated to Karen #CON

via youtube.com

"Cleanin Out My Closet" by Eminem

Where's my snare?
I have no snare in my headphones - there you go
Yeah... yo, yo

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against?
I have; I've been protested and demonstrated against
Picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times
Sick as the mind of the motherfucking kid that's behind
All this commotion emotions run deep as ocean's exploding
Tempers flaring from parents just blow 'em off and keep going
Not taking nothing from no one give 'em hell long as I'm breathing
Keep kicking ass in the morning and taking names in the evening
Leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth
See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out
Look at me now; I bet ya probably sick of me now ain't you momma?
I'm a make you look so ridiculous now

I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)
I said I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet

Ha! I got some skeletons in my closet
And I don't know if no one knows it
So before they thrown me inside my coffin and close it
I'm a expose it; I'll take you back to '73
Before I ever had a multi-platinum selling CD
I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months
My faggot father must have had his panties up in a bunch
Cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye
No I don't on second thought I just fucking wished he would die
I look at Hailie, and I couldn't picture leaving her side
Even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try
To make it work with her at least for Hailie's sake
I maybe made some mistakes
But I'm only human, but I'm man enough to face them today
What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb
But the smartest shit I did was take the bullets outta that gun
Cause I'da killed him; shit I would've shot Kim and him both
It's my life, I'd like to welcome y'all to "The Eminem Show"

I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)
I said I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet

Now I would never diss my own momma just to get recognition
Take a second to listen for who you think this record is dissing
But put yourself in my position; just try to envision
Witnessing your momma popping prescription pills in the kitchen
Bitching that someone's always going through her purse and shit's missing
Going through public housing systems, victim of Munchhausen's Syndrome
My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't
'Til I grew up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya stomach
Doesn't it? Wasn't it the reason you made that CD for me Ma?
So you could try to justify the way you treated me Ma?
But guess what? You're getting older now and it's cold when your lonely
And Nathan's growing up so quick he's gonna know that your phony
And Hailie's getting so big now; you should see her, she's beautiful
But you'll never see her - she won't even be at your funeral!
See what hurts me the most is you won't admit you was wrong
Bitch do your song - keep telling yourself that you was a mom!
But how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get
You selfish bitch; I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am dead - dead to you as can be!

I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)
I said I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet

I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet (one more time)
I said I'm sorry momma!
I never meant to hurt you!
I never meant to make you cry; but tonight
I'm cleaning out my closet

Wake Me Up When September Ends - BIG SMILES!!!

via youtube.com

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends