Intimidate this, Bitch.

virtualdaze.com | Aug 31st 2012

It’s incredible how quickly you can lose perspective when you have the wrong person in your ear. I’ve had the wrong person in my ear for about a year and a half…and I completely lost perspective.

The short version of this story is that I fell in love with someone who is incredibly charming, witty, and politically savvy. I adored him. I believed in him. I defended him. I shouldn’t have.

What I learned over time is that I was in love with someone who is manipulative, conniving, self-centered, and downright abusive. I was in love with someone who feels entitled to say and do whatever he deems necessary if someone leaves him feeling hurt or maligned in some way. I was in love with someone who believes that screaming at a person until they experience a panic attack is justifiable because he doesn’t feel like he’s being heard. I was in love with someone whose reaction to a 3^rd party contacting him on my behalf in order to give me some time to recover from a panic-induced asthma attack was to tell me it was the first time in over a year he felt that I showed I cared about him. I was in love with someone who frequently called me a monster. I was in love with someone who repeatedly called me abusive, controlling, clinical, and lacking empathy. I was in love with someone who made me believe I was all of those things. I was in love with someone who made me afraid to interact with people at all, because I was so convinced that I was completely dysfunctional and therefore incapable of maintaining relationships.

People who know me are likely wondering why I’m posting this. Personal shit should be personal. I agree…under normal circumstances. These circumstances are anything but normal.

I finally cut off all contact with this person in early August. It was difficult. It’s still difficult. In spite of everything, I feel like I have lost a limb. I still miss who I thought he was. It’s stupid, I know…but it’s true.

Since cutting off contact, this person has made several attempts to learn why I told him not to contact me again. He has tried contacting me, he has been in contact with my friends, with mutual friends, and god only knows who else. This person has attempted to manipulate people by making them believe he has evidence that they know more than they do. This person has blamed the decline of our relationship on everything from the influence of my friends, to a rightwing operative targeting him because of his politics. This person has never – and likely will never – consider his own actions as the reason I finally cut off communication.

What has me most disturbed is this person has made reference to my career being in jeopardy if the same rightwing operative finds out where I work. I have no reason to believe this rightwing operative is after me. In fact, when the operative recently started to tweet one of my more spectacular emotional meltdowns on Twitter, I politely asked that he stop as I have no connection to his efforts, and he immediately did so.

So this makes me wonder if the point of planting this seed of concern about my career being in jeopardy was actually to create plausible deniability if the star of this post wanted to be vengeful.

Let me make this clear: I will do what I have to do in order to protect myself, my friends, and my career. I will not be intimidated. I will not let this person intimidate people I care about. I will not let this person make thinly veiled threats. I have the right to break up with someone, and I have the right to emote about it if I wish.

I have alerted my place of work about this situation, and they have been incredibly supportive. If needed, I will get a restraining order. I certainly have what I need to do so.

Consider this my only warning.

Listen to the voicemail audio

“You did that on purpose, and don’t pretend you didn’t. Yes, an intolerant cunt. You don’t like it? Too fucking bad. You did that on purpose. I even gave you signals that you did it to me, and you did it anyway, because you’ve decided to be a passive aggressive bitch with me for over a month. Admit it! Stop making it my fault! Stop drumming me up, and…stop driving me to this level of anger and pretending that you’re not aware that you do it. You know that you’re aware that you do it.”

Note: The voicemail above was recorded January 25, 2012 at 8:44PM. Which makes this completely bizarre…and completely false.

I like to keep things based in reality.

**9/2/2012 Update** A friend reminded me about this page (screenshot) that was posted by an alleged ex-girlfriend of the person I’m referring to in this post. It sickens me to read it again now. The page was taken down shortly after it appeared, as the woman was allegedly threatened by the subject of the page. The full text can be seen here.

**9/3/2012 Update** The subject of this post decided to update his blog. As I have previously stated, I like to keep things based in reality.

**9/3/2012 Update** I would never want to be accused of not providing the “full context” – so here’s the rest of the bullshit from that same night and the following day. From start to finish. In his words. So that should provide his context and version of reality, right? Right.

“You did that on purpose, and don’t pretend you didn’t. Yes, an intolerant cunt. You don’t like it? Too fucking bad. You did that on purpose. I even gave you signals that you did it to me, and you did it anyway, because you’ve decided to be a passive aggressive bitch with me for over a month. Admit it! Stop making it my fault! Stop drumming me up, and…stop driving me to this level of anger and pretending that you’re not aware that you do it. You know that you’re aware that you do it.”
January 25, 2012 – 8:44PM [Listen to the audio]

“Jessica, what galls me is that you knew you were being passive aggressive to me, you knew I’d call you on it, and I tried to move on and then all you did was use the next thing. You used the excuse with my mother to jump on me again. How am I supposed to react to that? You know it was just as cunty as I said it was. And if you’re not admitting it, you’re just in denial. Grow up!”
January 25, 2012 – 8:54PM [Listen to the audio]

“I’m slowly getting over my anger, Jessica, but I wish you could understand how unsupportive it feels. You know, sometimes people in partnerships just need to have a bad day, to just vent…and to have it called ‘whining’, to get this attitude back like you’re the lowest of the low, because you’re simply needing to vent your partner for a few minutes…to get that attitude back is just so hurtful. And I tried to tell you that before, and this time I sat quietly thinking that you would get it. And maybe you’d say ‘Okay, maybe I was a little harsh about Robbie,’ but you didn’t. And instead, you just came at me over a fucking computer. I said talking about my mother’s computer, I asked you a simple question about Windows, and you just bit my head off. Could you put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself how that would feel, if I did that to you? I guarantee you, if I asked any woman you know, they’d all say the same thing: “Fuck you.” Just what I said to you. Because that’s how hurtful it was. And I don’t think you meant to do that, but it still was hurtful. And I tried to hint that it was hurtful, and you need to either admit that you want to push us to break up, or apologize.”
January 25, 2012 – 9:41PM [Listen to the audio]

“Well, I don’t mean apologize…I just mean understand. I don’t need the apology, I never have needed that. I do need you to be understanding of the fact that all I was looking for was a little bit of support. And I wasn’t even looking for it. I guess I was just expecting it, like you’d expect it from me. It’s not unusual to have people be stressed over something that you don’t approve of, or you don’t think is worthwhile being stressed about. Too bad! Like, I don’t make judgments about what you go through all day. I don’t! I sit there, and I grin, and I bear it. And I don’t punish you for it later. You do punish me. And you need to admit that you do that. And whether you ever admit it to me, or your next boyfriend, or whatever, you do that. You do do that. You save it up, and you lash out, and you almost savor the punishment. And it really hurts, it cuts like a fucking knife. And I’m sorry if I called you an ‘intolerant cunt,’ but I’m sorry, you use that word all the time. I think the ‘intolerant’ cuts you more than the ‘cunt,’ but we can talk about it if you would admit that you were a bitch to me! I still love you, Jessica, but I don’t have to just sit there and be beaten up because you want to. It’s not fair to me! No matter what I did, it was not that wrong. I was frustrated by somebody that had yanked my chain for seven months. You could have just sat there, and listened nicely. And said ‘that’s really a shame, I understand why it’s stressful,’ and we would have moved on. Instead, you used it to beat me up. And it’s not fair.”
January 25, 2012 – 9:43PM [Listen to the audio]

“Sorry, I can’t even talk about it without getting angry. I guess it’s all my fault. Okay. I’m also calling you, as usual.”
January 25, 2012 – 9:44PM [Listen to the audio] 

“The part that hurts me the most, Jessica, is that you don’t seem to even know that you hurt me. You don’t seem to care. And that’s what hurts the most.”
January 25, 2012 – 10:30PM [Listen to the audio] 

“Jessica, are you going to make any effort to talk to me at all? Or just leave me thinking that you just pushed me to this so you could walk away clean? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?”
January 26, 2012 – 9:44PM [Listen to the audio] 

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